


Down By The Riverside

by luneofmeadow



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Bottom Loki (Marvel), Dual-Sex Loki, Happy Ending, Human AU, Intersex Loki (Marvel), M/M, Mystery, Original Male Characters - Freeform, Paranormal, Past Murder, Sif - Freeform, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Thriller, Top Thor (Marvel), anxiety problem, it’s not that dark, kid locked up for years (not Loki), kidnap, mild violent, nobody die
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:41:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26867587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luneofmeadow/pseuds/luneofmeadow
Summary: Wanting to help his husband who was facing too much pressure from work, Thor took Loki out to a lake house for a holiday. During their stay, the couple experienced unexplainable events around the chalet, until Loki found a notebook...
Relationships: Loki & Thor (Marvel), Loki/Thor (Marvel)
Comments: 39
Kudos: 59
Collections: Thorki Baby Bang 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's my pleasure to join the Thorki BigBang 2020, special thanks to the mods who helped run this event. I'm thankful to have Noney and Holly (AO3 apatheticpluto) as my betas.  
> The book cover is from the talented HyfrydCymru on AO3, aka @honeyspice12 (the Haunted Teapot on Twitter and Tumblr) <3 
> 
> Also, I hope this story is not too heavy for your taste, please read the tags carefully before reading. 
> 
> The story is completed, will be posted every 3 days until the last chapter 
> 
> Song in this story: Riverside by Agnes Obel https://youtu.be/vjncyiuwwXQ

_ _

_ \--- _

_ Down by the water the riverbed _

_ Somebody calls you somebody says _

_ Swim with the current and float away _

_ Down by the river every day _

\---

The ride to Thor’s parents’ house was uneventful to whoever looked at their car from the outside. On the inside, Modi had been unsettled since the beginning and was throwing a fit. Instead of sitting in the passenger seat, Loki stayed in the back with their son and was murmuring soothing assurance to their baby lion. The nickname was from Thor to compliment Modi’s wild blond hair. His husband had a secret pride in how Modi looked exactly like him. 

The three year-old had been crying because Mama hadn’t joined any of their outings for a while, and now his parents were dropping him at his grandparent’s place for a weekend getaway without him. Fortunately, the toddler instantly stopped whimpering the moment Loki guaranteed that they would go to the aquarium together when the couple came back.

Loki frowned while looking at their son, who was now content with the pinky promise and started playing with his toys. What a simple child! Only problem was Loki wasn’t sure if they could commit to what they had told Modi. 

Since he got promoted to Chief of the Pediatric Surgery section last year, despite his young age, Loki’s work was doubled and he didn’t really have time for family anymore. The change of position also riled up the politics within the management board. Both opposing parties in the management wanted to have him, hence it put Loki into an awkward situation. Loki didn’t want to be involved in any of their power fights, he simply wanted to do his job and come home to his family at the end of the day. Since he refused the offers from both of them, his team seemed to be picked on and that put Loki into constant stress. 

He started to get home later and later even after his shift. He didn’t have time to join Thor and Modi for their family activities. Although he was grateful for Thor’s understanding and support, he still felt guilty towards his husband. More than once a week he would curl up in his husband’s arms and cry himself to sleep. Thor’s assuring words didn’t help much since in the morning, everyday, Loki would find himself staring at his office door in terror before stepping in. 

He felt scared and empty, like a hermit crab dragging an oversized shell on his back around the ocean floor. The tiny little crab would live in constant fear of one day, when he couldn’t hold on to the too heavy and too large house any more and another hermit crab would rob it away from him, leaving him exposed and vulnerable to predators. 

It was when Frigga called them the other day and Loki broke down in the middle of conversation that Thor decided both of them would go on a trip. Loki needed a few days off from his toxic workplace to clear his mind and gather his strength. 

“We have arrived!”

Loki snapped out of his thoughts when Thor announced and pulled into Odin’s driveway. Frigga and Odin were already waiting for them at the front door. 

“Bye Mama! Bye Papa!” Modi waved his tiny hand at his parents and Loki waved back fondly. He looked so small cuddled into Frigga’s arms. 

Thor smiled softly at him when Loki finished buckling up his seat belt. 

“I already miss him,” Loki sighed, “It feels strange not to have Modi with us”. 

“You need time for yourself, baby. He will be alright, Mom and Dad have it under control.” Thor rubbed his thigh assuredly. He knew he should feel excited for the trip, but he couldn’t. Loki closed his eyes before the tears came and forced himself to nap, so that he wouldn't need to endure the negative thoughts that had begun to creep into his mind. 

\---

It took two hours to reach the chalet by the lake that Thor had made the reservation for in advance. They went up to the mountain and took a detour through a small village. The cottage was built next to the lake close to the summit that took an extra thirty minutes to reach after leaving the town. Thor managed to find this place on a booking site as per his colleague’s suggestion. The location satisfied him as it was peaceful but not too isolated from the community nearby. 

Loki looked at the wood on both sides of the rocky road leading to the chalet and duly noted the “beware of wild animals crossing street” sign. It was obvious that they were driving deeper into the forest.

“Guess we are here,”Thor stopped the car and pointed to the Swiss chalet in front of them. It was made of wood, with a heavy, gently sloped roof and wide, well-supported eaves set at the sides of the front of the house. The place was antiquated yet well taken care of. It brought Loki a cosy and comfortable feeling that shooed away the tiredness after the long drive.

“The housekeeper should be here to check us in, let me call her. Do you want to look around while waiting?” Thor took out his phone and Loki nodded. He wanted to check the chalet out as soon as possible. He had never been invited to any lake house before. 

The cottage’s veranda was spotless with empty plant pots arranged neatly in the corner. Loki tentatively ran his fingers along its handrail and silently complimented the thorough cleaning upon their arrival. 

He looked into the house through the front window, the white, lace curtain did a good job providing privacy for its owner but still offered enough natural light shining through. There was a large couch in front of the wooden fireplace in the living room. His heart skipped a beat when he thought he saw a silhouette of someone standing next to the couch. He took a step back hesitantly and blinked, it was gone when his eyes opened. 

“The housekeeper said she will be here in around 15 minutes. The lake is a 5-minute walk from here, should we take a look?” Loki almost leapt when Thor abruptly spoke from behind him. 

“Oh Thor, you startled me,” he exhaled. 

“I’m sorry, baby,” Thor hugged him into his chest, planting tentative kisses to his temples and forehead. 

“That tickles!” Loki giggled when Thor’s soft beard rubbed against his face. 

“Hm? I don’t feel anything,” Thor continued to kiss him, hugging him tighter. 

“Thor, please, I-”, he was interrupted by an ute pulling into the driveway. Apparently the housekeeper had arrived sooner than expected. 

“Hi,” she chimed delightfully when she exited the vehicle, “I’m Sif, your housekeeper. Thanks for waiting”. She offered her hand to both of them. Sif was well-built and tall with long dark hair and brown eyes. Her skin was naturally tanned in an attractive way. She should be somewhere around 35-40 years old, close to Thor’s age. 

“This is Kim, my step-father,”Sif introduced the old man standing next to her and Loki instinctively stepped halfway behind Thor. Kim was not that old, he looked to be in his mid-sixties. His body still showed signs of him once being a very muscular man. However, what created the uneasy feeling in Loki was his crooked smile on dark purplish lips and the back-and-forth darting of his eyes. If Modi was here he would say he Kim looked like the laughing hyena in Lion King that had given him nightmares months ago. 

Noticing his unsettled mood, Thor quickly shook their hands and asked for the key. Loki sighed gratefully when they moved inside of the house as the old guy decided to wait for Sif in his vehicle. 

It was a rustic two-floor chalet, designed with the intention to be lit up by as much sunlight as possible by the number of windows installed around it. 

“My mother made them,” Sif said when she saw Loki touch the white curtain of the window in the kitchen. She leaned against the wall, arms crossed in front of her chest, patiently waiting for the guests to look around the place. 

“They are pretty,” Loki said softly. Sif’s eyes brightened at the compliment and smiled warmly at him. 

“Does your mother crochet often? My mom loves to but she is not as skilled as yours,” he continued. 

“She did. Now I don’t know if she is still doing it,” Sif answered mindlessly, earning a surprised look from Loki. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be nosy,” he apologised but the lady waved her hand dismissively. 

“Don’t worry about it!”

“If you finish here could we please go upstairs?” Thor poked his head through from the living hall, earning a nod from both of them. 

The two bedrooms on the second floor were also equipped with basic furniture - a double bed with mattress, desk and chair set in each room. Instead of windows, each room had one large sliding glass door, opening to a small balcony. The glass door was covered by light brown curtains, neutral and peaceful. The only bathroom was located on the opposite side of the house. 

“That’s pretty much it. If you need anything please feel free to give me a call,” Sif announced on her way out, finishing her tour guide job around the accommodation. 

“Ah, don’t wander too deep into the wood. Although I’m not certain, people are saying there are wolves appearing. Better safe than sorry. Have a pleasant stay!” 

\--- 

The cooking and their lunch was serene, Loki cooked and Thor helped prepare. Thor told him about Modi’s new friends at childcare and his daily headache dealing with Tony at work. Loki responded with a hum here and there. He didn’t talk much about his side of the story as he didn’t want to think about work, but he also couldn’t find anything else to share with Thor. 

Ever the thoughtful one, Thor insisted on doing the dishes for Loki to go upstairs to refresh before their trip visiting the town in the afternoon. They had chosen the bigger bedroom at the back as it was closer to the shared bathroom. Instead of entering the room, he went into the bathroom to wash his face first. The moment he switched off the running faucet, Loki heard the clicking sound of the bedroom door, as if someone was opening it. 

_ “Probably Thor,” _ he thought and quickly wiped his face. However, the room was empty with their luggage placed neatly by the bed. Perhaps he imagined the sound. Loki sat down to slowly take his clothes out of his suitcase to hang them properly in the wardrobe. 

He frowned deeply when he found the contents inside Thor’s suitcase was messed up. Crumbled clothes, medicine pulled out of the containers, and the lid of the shaving gel bottle unsealed causing it to leak everywhere. Thor was never an unorganised person, especially when it was about his clothes. 

“What are you doing?” Thor asked as he stopped in front of the bedroom door. 

“I’m unpacking, but your stuff was already like this when I opened the suitcase.” Loki sighed at his husband who wore a confusing expression. 

“Really? How did you unlock it? I kept the key in my wallet the whole time”. 

“But I didn’t see any lock on the luggage.” His statement earned a thoughtful nod from Thor. He mumbled something like “maybe I forgot to lock it”. 

“I assume things were disordered when we were passing by that bumpy road. Don’t worry, I will clean them up.” Thor closed the luggage and took it downstairs without saying anything else. 

Then where was the lock if Thor sealed everything and kept the key with him? Did Thor just forget he didn’t lock it this time? Loki’s thoughts were disturbed when his phone rang. The call was from Frigga, Modi must be napping so his grandmother had some spare time. 

“Hi Mom!” 

“Loki! How are you doing, dear?” her voice contained a soothingness that Loki longed. 

“The place is really nice. You should come here with Dad next time. How’s Modi, Mom?”. 

“Oh the little lion was behaving so well today. You did a good job raising him. You two enjoy your time and don’t worry about anything, ok?” Frigga enquired understandingly. 

He said thanks to her and hung up, deciding to get changed and to take a quick nap. He left the door open but changed his mind as soon as he turned his back to the door. Must be his anxiety but the place was big and unfamiliar, he felt more safe with the door closed. When Loki crouched down to gather his unclean clothes on the floor, he didn’t notice the twisted broken suitcase lock laying in the corner beside the desk. 

—- 

The market had just started with various stands still being set up. They learned that half of the population of this village worked in sugarcane processing factories and the other half contributed agricultural stock to various supermarkets in the area. The weekend selling was to attract tourists and add a bit of extra income to the local community’s pockets. 

Thor was walking in front of him, interested in inspecting the crafts of a blacksmith while Loki talked to the old lady at the flower stand behind. 

“Where are you staying at?” she asked, a bit too friendly. 

“My husband and I are staying at the cottage next to the lake.” Loki smiled politely, continuing to choose the roses. 

“Oh, the Arneson’s?”

“I don’t know their last name. Could I please pay for this bunch?” Loki quickly paid for the flowers he wanted and left. He feared this conversation could turn into gossip if he stayed for much longer. 

“That’s not the second husband's in case you think so. Emily inherited the house from her father. Her children also took her last name.” The herb seller next door chimed in.

The voice of the ladies still followed him after he left. “Do you know Emily’s daughter has come back? Must be tragic for her to learn about what happened!” 

Loki sighed. He didn’t want to be meddlesome in others’ business, he had more than enough on his plate. 

His husband was easy to spot thanks to his outstanding height, Loki walked faster as he saw he was talking to Sif. Speaking of the devil. She was standing opposite Thor with her back to the table displaying various honey jars with different sizes, assumingly that was her family’s business. Thor was laughing at something she said, they seemed to enjoy the conversation. Loki’s brows furrowed at Sif’s hand on Thor’s bicep. He didn’t show any sign of discomfort at the gesture, his voice sounded delighted instead. 

As soon as Sif saw Loki from afar, she withdrew her hand immediately. Thor turned his head towards his husband’s direction and greeted him with a small smile. 

“Sif has invited us to her favorite pub after dinner. Do you want to go?” Thor asked

“That’s so nice of you. Thank you, Sif. But we already have a plan for tonight”, Loki responded to the housekeeper and offered his hand to Thor, who quickly took it into his bigger palm. 

“Let’s go back, Thor. I have got everything we need.” 

“Sounds good, let’s go!” Thor agreed then they said goodbye to Sif. 

“Other day then, I will ask you later, Thor. You also have my number!” Sif rang over-enthusiastically and Loki frowned. 

“What did you two talk about?” he asked as Thor wrapped his arm around his waist. 

“Nothing much. She told me she is also doing boxing, we talked about it for a bit.” 

Loki didn’t share the same interests with Thor, he hated being childish but couldn’t stop the possessiveness booming up from the bottom of his heart. He clutched Thor’s hand that was on his waist a little tighter. 

\---

There weren't any vases available hence Loki improvised with a big glass for the roses. He placed it in the center of the dining table with some candles around. After setting the plates down, Loki went to the living room as he had heard Thor sitting on the couch earlier, from the kitchen, he still could see his broad shoulders. It was dark to tell what he was doing there. Loki called him when he got closer. 

“Thor, dinner is ready. And why don’t you turn on the light? It’s not good for your eyes to play with the phone in the dark.” 

“I’m coming!” Thor answered loudly from upstairs. 

Loki stopped dead in his tracks as wooden staircases creaked louder following Thor’s footsteps. 

“Sorry, I was taking a shower. The water took a bit long to heat up” Thor’s hair still dripping. 

“I thought I saw you in the living room. If that wasn’t you, then who?” Loki whispered, cold sweats rolling down this back.

He came closer and wrapped his arms around Thor’s. He rubbed his back assuringly and gestured to him to stay there while he went to check the living room. To his bewilderedness, it was empty when Thor turned on the light. 

“Don’t worry, it must be from exhaustion, we had a long day today. After dinner I will check around the house, ok?” Thor said as they walked back to the dining room. 

Loki glanced back at the space over his shoulder. Perhaps his eyes were tired, but the voice in his head was whispering,  _ “or you did really see him” _ Loki hastily turned his head back.

\---

“The fairy lights are nice, baby!” Thor commented while setting the champagne glasses down on the table. 

“I couldn’t resist when I saw it in the market today. I was thinking it would make our room’s balcony look better.” Loki clicked the batteries into the string lights’ switch and turned them on. 

It was lovely. The warm lights were blending perfectly with the illuminating moonlight hitting Thor, who sat on the chair on the other side of the table, making his golden hair glow. Loki’s eyes settled on the pair of striking blue eyes that he loved so much. He walked over to Thor, his face and neck suddenly heated up. It had been a long time since the last time they had a moment of intimacy, maybe two months ago. 

“Can I, um, sit on your lap?” Loki stood before Thor, fidgeting. He wasn’t sure Thor would want him anymore. As his anxiety gradually worsened, a voice in his mind had been whispering to him that he was a burden to Thor. It left Loki feeling unwanted and insecure. There was only pity in Thor’s look to him and fear was rising that Thor soon would grow tired of him. He was scared. Thor didn’t sign up for a defective partner. 

“You don’t need to ask, my love!” Thor extended his arm, guided Loki to sit on his lap, face to face.

The position forced Loki to spread his legs wide, considering Thor was much bigger than him. He wiggled helplessly as Thor hugged him and took a long inhale at the crook of his neck. 

“I miss you, baby. You smell ravishing” Thor whispered, his hot breath against Loki’s ears causing shivers to run down his spine. 

“I miss us, too. I’m sorry” Loki couldn’t help the tears flowing down his face, somewhere in his heart, a knot loosened. 

“Hush, don’t cry. Let’s enjoy this moment. Shall I get you a glass of champagne?” He wiped off the tears on Loki’s cheeks with his thumbs, his eyes loving. 

“Yes, please,” Loki couldn’t help but smile sillily. 

Thor grabbed the glass but instead of giving it to him, he took in a large gulp then tilted Loki’s chin closer. Loki parted his lips when their lips met, obediently drank all the champagne his husband offered. 

“Let’s go to the lake tomorrow, I want to skinny dip with you” Thor said, his voice low and rough with the alcohol still in his throat. Loki could only mumble  _ “yes” _ weakly as Thor dove in for another kiss, his tongue exploring every nook inside Loki’s mouth. Loki could do nothing but accept it willingly. Thor’s big hands on both sides of his waist held him comfortably. When Thor kissed his jaws and trailed lower, he inclined his head to a side for Thor to have better access to the long column of his neck. 

Loki slowly closed his eyes, letting lustful moans escape his rosy swollen lips. Under his long eyelashes, his gaze followed their shadow spreading through the glass door, crossing the bed behind Thor, reaching to a large figure standing next to the bedroom door, watching them. 

Loki’s eyes snapped open widely when he realised what he was looking at. The dark figure just stood there, tall, and soundless in the inky room. He forced out a carnivorous grin at Loki, showing his yellowish and uneven teeth. Loki jumped out of Thor’s hold in panic before he could be able to see the rest of his face more clearly.

Loki basically hurdled himself to the farthest corner of the balcony, his heartbeats hammering. Thor must’ve been also startled, as he stood up and hurried over him, confused. 

“Loki, what happened?” his voice was full of concerns. 

“There...There is someone! He was looking at us. He is in the room!” Loki stammered, his teeth chattering terrifiedly, cold sweat rolling down his forehead. 

“Hey, hey, calm down, baby. I will go inside and check, ok?” Thor soothed him and Loki nodded, eyes beginning to swell up with tears. 

“Yes, please”

Loki stood there for a minute, trying to till his heartbeat. He inhaled slowly, letting air fill his lungs then counted to three before exhaling through his lips. He didn’t need to be scared, Thor was with him. His husband was big and strong, he could easily handle any intruder. Speaking of, why Thor hadn’t come back yet. What if the intruder brought other people in with him? He was stupid to let Thor go alone. 

“Thor?” Loki haltingly walked closer to the balcony door, almost bumped into his husband, who was walking towards his direction. 

“I didn’t see anyone. I checked the other room and the bathroom as well.” The statement earned a frown from Loki. 

“But he was standing here!” he pointed to the spot next to the door, “I’m not lying!” Loki stuttered, his breath quickened almost to hyperventilation. He clutched at his left chest, his lungs suffering for air. 

“Baby, baby, I didn’t say you were lying,” Thor hugged him into his wide chest, hands rubbing soothingly in circle motions up and down his back, “You had a long day and we were drinking as well. Let’s go to sleep, yeah?” 

“Could I please have a pill?” Loki asked, voice muffled. He had been using sleeping medicines for a while, the anxiety had stopped Loki from falling asleep naturally. Thor didn’t say anything, just nodded understandingly before handing over the glass of water and the pill to him. 

Reclining in his husband’s strong arms, Loki listened to Thor’s steady heartbeat while quietly waiting for the medicine to kick in as they laid on the bed, blanket covering their body warmly. He didn’t feel like talking. Thor kissed his forehead and murmured that he loved him, that Modi loved him, that their parents loved him, too. 

“I love you, too. So much,” Loki mumbled, eyes shuttered closed. 

“You know, the other day I was talking to Natasha and she said consuming too many sleeping pills may cause confusion. Perhaps you should make an appointment to see her once we get back?” Thor said. Loki was too drowsy to answer him. Was the figure he just saw a hallucination? 

Loki drifted into sleep with the word “hallucination” echoing in his head.


	2. Chapter 2

Thor woke up from the sound of someone knocking on the balcony door, Loki was still sleeping soundly next to him thanks to the effect of the pill. He lifted the curtain up to find a little robin pecking at its own reflection on the glass. Ever the territorial creature, Thor chuckled. He peeked over his husband one more time before gently opening the door with as minimum sound as possible, shooing the bird away. The sun was yet to rise completely, sunlight shone through the dark green layer of trees here and there creating a tranquil beginning for the day. He stepped outside, took a long breath in and exhaled. 

Despites the long drive and an eventful day yesterday, Thor couldn’t sleep well last night. He kept drifting off and on, trying to muffle his ears from the sound of the night. At some points, Thor thought he heard footsteps outside of the room, even his own mind started to be affected by the tiredness just like his beloved one’s. 

Indeed, Loki’s fragile mental health concerned him greatly. The pressure had turned his husband from a bright and cheerful person to a scared and wounded bunny that couldn’t escape the foxes in his own mind. Thor hated that paralyzing feeling of standing on the sidelines of Loki’s life, watching him implode but was too powerless to help in any meaningful way. It was painful and heart-wrenching. 

“One of the important things is his willingness to reach out, Thor. You can’t help one that doesn’t want to be helped.” Thor recalled what Natasha had told him. 

Sighing, Thor looked in the lake’s direction. He wondered what else could he do for Loki. Perchance, should they focus on this very moment first and worry about that later then? 

“Good morning, Thor. Did you sleep well last night?” Loki quietly hugged him from behind, cutting off his train of thoughts. He loved the way Loki rubbed his sleepy face on his shoulder blades. 

“Hey,” Thor held his hands, “Why don’t you sleep for a bit more?”

“Hmmm, I want to watch sunrise with you.” Loki murmured, a rare moment in a long time he saw Loki actively wanted to do something. 

“What do you think about having a picnic at the lake?” Thor asked. While turning around to hug his husband into his chest, Thor caught a glimpse of someone standing behind the tree on the right side of the house. Squinting his eyes to see more clearly of the person, Thor recognised the familiar face of Sif’s step father. 

Kim. 

What was he doing outside the accommodation in the early morning? 

“Thor?” Loki looked up at him expectantly, “Did you hear me?” 

“Sorry, baby. What were you asking?” Thor broke the focus on Kim to give an assuring smile to Loki. When he looked back again, the man was gone. 

“I was asking if you like turkey or ham for sandwiches.” 

“Anything is fine with me” he said fondly, deciding not to tell Loki what he saw. He didn’t want to trigger his anxiousness. Everything that happened yesterday was more than enough for Loki to handle. 

\--- 

Mother nature was generous to those that belonged to her care; as to Thor’s gratitude, Loki appeared to be lighter and more energetic after swimming. His phone chimed while the couple were on their way back for lunch. Despite being a bit late, Sif responded positively to the message he sent in the morning, of course she would say yes. He wanted to meet her to talk about the stalker. They were her guests and they deserved a comfortable and safe stay at the place they had paid to. 

He didn’t expect Sif already standing in front of the cottage waiting for them, though.

“Hi guys!” she forced a toothy grin upon seeing them coming. Thor didn’t think it suited her. 

“Good morning” he greeted her and Loki nodded along. His hand in Thor’s squeezed tighter, seemed to be a bit taken back. 

“I come to check if you two need anything else for your stay. Also, could I please talk to you for a bit?” she asked Thor, didn’t even give Loki a glance.

“Oh, ok, I’ll leave you two to it then” Loki looked up at Thor, obviously not happy to go inside alone. Thor kissed the top of his head as he gently patted his shoulder, “I will be with you in a bit.” 

Sif dropped her expression as soon as Loki closed the front door behind her. She put her hands into her pants’ pockets, shoulders square. 

“So, you want to talk about something?”

“I saw your step father wandering around the place in the morning.” He crossed his arms before his chest, waiting for a response. 

“Really?” Sif’s eyes darted to the left and light, processing the information, “Did he talk to you or your husband?”

“No, he was looking at us from afar. I’m not sure what he wanted but that was enough of a bother to us.” Thor answered with a grim expression. 

“My apologies if he caused any inconvenience. I will talk to him and make sure he will not come here during your stay again.” She said with as much politeness as she could. That was what Thor wanted to hear. 

“Please do. I appreciate your cooperation” his tone was all business, just in time to see his husband cracked open the door. 

“If there is nothing else, I will get going then” Sif suddenly changed her tone, her hand brushed over his swiftly. 

“Call me anytime!” she continued cheerfully before leaving. Thor didn’t have time to react the way the woman changed her attitude in Loki’s presence. If she wanted to maintain the image of a friendly host to his husband then that was fine to him. 

“What did she say?” Loki walked to him with confusion. Thor could sense wariness pooling out from his figure. 

“Nothing important, she just wanted to check if the gas stove was working properly.” He lied. He hoped not to over-worry Loki with the matter that had already been solved. Thor rubbed Loki's arms, guiding him inside “Let’s have lunch, yeah?” 

“Alright” Loki quietly said, his eyes cast downwards and Thor missed the bleakness in it. 

\---

Loki felt the dark hole inside his chest being drilled deeper. Thor might think he missed it but unfortunately, Loki had seen the way Sif touched his hand and their closeness in the morning. Had Thor grown tired of him being delusional and found interest in someone else? Tears rolled from his eyes all the way to his ears, wetting his hair, Loki laid still on the bed, not wanting to move. Thor was out to the town to buy fishing equipment since they forgot to prepare that. 

Loki had refused to tag along, too busy burying himself in thoughts. He was scared that one day Thor grew tired and gave up on their family, leaving him and Modi in exchange for someone that was definitely better than him. Thor had suggested he talk to Dr Romanoff. He might need to do so, if it was not for him then for their family. Taking in a long breath, he swiped off the tear and got up to the bathroom to wash his face. 

Loki stared in horror when the light in the bathroom was switched on. The mirror in front of him was covered in sloppy handwritings, his whole body shook as his mind caught up to what it said. 

“Welcome home, mom!” Bold and red. 

He stumbled back until a hard and cold surface was pressed against his back, trying to figure out what he was seeing. His head felt foggy as his brain recalled all the weird occurrences that had been cropping up since they arrived. Loki’s legs ran on their own accord as soon as his ears caught the grumbling of Thor’s car engine. The pallidness on his face must have frightened Thor since his husband almost ripped the door off as he rushed into the house to check on the vandalism. 

When Loki finally caught up with his steps, Thor was standing still in front of the bedroom in silence. Loki’s heart stopped at their reflections on the crystal clear mirror. The concern in Thor’s eyes sparked electricity to rush through Loki’s core. He backed away when Thor extended his hand to him. 

“Loki” 

“No, no, it was there! I swear it was there!” he yelled, panicking.

“Loki, I know,” Thor said but all Loki could hear were the buzzing sounds echoing around the empty hallway. 

“I’m not delusional, Thor. I’m not crazy!” He thrashed to get out of Thor’s hold, blood boiling in his veins. Air was leaving his lungs all at once, everything too fast. Tears from his eyes and blood from his bites on Thor arms tasted salty and metallic, too salty for his mind to comprehend. Loki felt himself falling hard. He was out of place and out of time. 

\---

“Shit!” Thor cursed as the water overflowed and dripped down to the floor. He turned off the faucet of the sink with his brows almost knitted together. He was supposed to wash the wounds on his arms clean before applying antibiotic ointment, but his mind was occupied by the image of Loki laying exhaustively in bed after his meltdown. 

This was the first time Thor felt actually scared in many months witnessing his husband drowning in agony. Fragile like an already cracked window, one more push and the glass would shatter beyond repair, being around Loki at the moment like walking on a field full of landmine. Most of the people having a hard enough time wrapping their mind around their own problems, left alone everyone else, especially for Thor, his problem was Loki’s untreated conditions. He felt drained, didn’t know what he should and shouldn’t do anymore. 

Pinching the bridge between his eyebrows, Thor sighed and abandoned the sink to grab the first-aid kit and moved into the living room to apply antiseptic cream onto his forearms. His hand slipped as he sat down causing the contents inside the kit to drop everywhere on the floor. Muttering another curse word, Thor crouched down to pick them up, however, he paused as he noticed the rug was stuck in between the tiles unnaturally. It was a common gray cotton rug that could be found in any middle class family, given its comfortableness and low requirement in maintenance. 

What troubled Thor though, was the way the owner covered the gap on the floor by a rug without properly fixing it. He winced out of irritation, what if they brought Modi with them and their baby would hurt himself while playing here? Perhaps he wasn’t in a good mood, Thor told himself, but decided to lift the rug up to check the crack regardless. 

Underneath the coffee table and the rug, laid a trapdoor that was made of two standard tiles size, large enough to fit one person. Thor cranked his neck to look more carefully at the space inside the hidden cellar that was opened from the outside, but through his squinting eyes, he could only see a ladder leading to a dark void. This could be the wine cellar or food cellar installed in every house during the old time, perhaps Sif forgot to mention it to them? No, if so, it should be in the kitchen, not in the middle of the living hall. 

Thor rubbed his chin in contemplation. He wasn’t any brave but dump character in the typical B class horror movie that decided to go down there and explore by himself. He had an extremely tired husband to take care of, moreover, this was the duty of the housekeeper to check and explain to her guests. He clicked his tongue and took out his phone to send Sif a message, only stopped when he heard the slamming sound from the backdoor.

“Loki, dear?” 

He called while walking slowly into the kitchen where the door was located, there was only silent responding to him. Thor walked faster to the door and quickly bursted it open as soon as he heard the starting sound of the car's engine. 

“Hey!” Thor shouted after the lightless van that was racing into the darkness of the wood. Thor stood still there under the dim light from the kitchen, puzzling. 

What he knew for sure though, that this place was not as safe as he thought and he needed to take Loki back home as soon as possible. 

  
  


\---

When Loki found him downstairs, Thor was standing in the middle of the living room. There was a lightheadedness that made Loki feel buoyant in every step. 

“Thor,” he heard himself speaking shyly to his husband. He couldn’t bring himself to look up to meet Thor’s eyes. 

“Yeah, baby?” Thor’s expression turned warm when he looked up at him, despite Loki’s previous meltdown. Yes, despite his previous meltdown! His heart crunched at the bandaid and scratches on the blond’s arms. 

“I’m sorry” he hesitated, moving closer to Thor, “I’m sorry. I will meet Natasha when we get back.” He sobbed, suddenly feeling too broken for words to form properly. 

“My beloved,” Thor cooed, dragging him into an embrace, “My only love. There is nothing to be sorry for. Should I remind you that I am and will always be here for you, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health. Remember?” 

“I do. Our vow. You are being sentimental, Thor” he said with watery eyes, “I’m really, really thankful for you.” Loki hadn’t ever been more afraid of losing his husband than in this very moment. 

“And yet you are the one crying here,” Thor hooked his fingers under his chin to tilt his face up for a gentle kiss. 

“Why were you standing here by the way?” Loki asked when the kiss broke, trying to take a look at the coffee table in the center of the living room. It appeared to be out of the original location. 

“I was cleaning the spilled water on the rug. Now that the job is done, what do you think about dining out tonight?” Thor excused and angled himself to cover the view. 

“How about the bar Sif mentioned the other day?” 

“Yeah, let’s go, and we can discuss our plan to go back home there!”, Thor beamed. 

\---

“Hello, Sif’s speaking!” she picked up. 

“Hi, this is Thor. I found something in the cottage and think you should take a look at it,” his tone somber. 

“I can come tomorrow if that’s ok?” she hung up after having the confirmation from the guest. 

She leaned in the back of the chair as Sean, the retired officer who handled the Arneson's missing case 18 years ago, put a stack of papers on the desk between them. 

“I think these are all the documents and records relating to the case.” He exhaled, dragging in the chair to sit on. 

“I just received a call from the guest who is staying at the cottage. I hope whatever he wants to show me could give us some clues. I will take these home for now and will return them to you tomorrow if that is ok?”

“Of course, Ms Arneson. Give me a call anytime” Sean answered her with a knowing nod. 

“Sif is fine. Thanks for your help!” Her lips formed a small smile as she stood up and packed the folders into her bag. She left the former officer’s house with a slight shred of hope that the mysteries behind her mother and step-brother’s disappearance would be revealed soon. 

In the worst case scenario, if there still was nothing, her conscience prayed for the couple to get fed up with everything she had been doing and they would leave the accommodation early. In hindsight, Sif sighed, she shouldn’t be too eager to advertise the cottage too soon. 


	3. Chapter 3

_When that old river runs past your eyes_

_To wash off the dirt on the riverside_

_Go to the water so every near_

_The river will be your eyes and ears_

_I walk to the borders on my own_

_Fall in the water just like a stone_

_Chilled to the marrow in them bones_

_Why do I go here alone_

_Agnes Obel_

\---

It was quiet, too quiet for Loki’s liking. Earlier in the morning, he heard the sound of his husband talking to someone downstairs but his mind was too dazed to pinpoint who it was. The sleeping pill hangover was getting worse, the morning drowsiness came just as easily as the medicine guiding him to sleep. 

Checking the time on his phone, he read Thor’s message. He said that he had left for groceries shopping, breakfast was already prepared and put it in the fridge for him. What did he do to deserve a devoting husband like Thor in his life? 

Loki put his phone aside, his eyes flickered to the stack of folded clothes where he hid the leather-covered notebook underneath. If there was any tangible way to prove that everything around him wasn’t a feverish dream, the diary was that thing. Last night Loki found it laid neatly on his pillow when they came back from dinner, as if it was intentional for only him to see it. 

In a broken second, his mind decided not to let Thor know about it as a last attempt of saving his vanity. The meltdown was all but enough to scare Thor away, he had seen the mortified look in Thor’s eyes, it was as same as the eyes of those parents’ of the sick children in his working ward. They were dull with the pain of witnessing their beloved one enduring the miseries. Their heavy eye-bags carried the burden of a heart that was forced to be strong for not only themselves. Their legs stood strong for the sake of the family on their shoulders. And Loki knew, Thor’s shoulders had started to ache. 

The notebook was bound in crimson leather, polished by time. Its old age shone beautifully through the dark and smooth patina. His fingers trembled the moment they touched the notebook. It was real. It wasn’t the side effect of his insomnia.

Instinctively biting his lower lip, Loki flipped through the yellowed pages that were full of the extension of a stranger’s mind. 

_“Emily-Rose Arneson’s Diary”_ was written in elegant copperplate handwriting on the front page. The last name sounded familiar, he might have heard someone mention it before. 

Everything that had happened the past few days flickered through Loki’s mind like a feverish dream; although Loki learned that he couldn’t trust any decision of his dizzy mind, the devil on his shoulder puppeted his fingers to flip to the last few pages. “Just a few pages will not hurt,” it whispered sweetly. He took the diary downstairs with him. Loki read to the last page while unwrapping his breakfast. 

_“August 20th, year YYYY,_

_His silence is like the quiet ocean before the storm comes. I’m afraid that one day the existence of Emily-Rose Arneson will cease. Because sometimes, the way my husband looks at me tells me that he knew, he knew I was the one who called the police. I could breathe better if he just asked me about it, I only beg for forgiveness, not this unbearable reticence. I need a way out, for me, for my boy, for us.”_

Loki put his sandwich down, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. What happened to Emily? Why did she turn her husband in? 

_“July 1st, year YYYY,_

_I’m relieved, truly. I’m grateful that the evidence was sufficient to prove his innocence. I just can’t bring myself to look at him in the eyes. My heart withers at the thought of my distrust and betrayal towards him.”_

_“May 5th, year YYYY,_

_They informed us that the culprit was driving a silver cargo van. It is a coincidence, isn’t it? Almost everyone in this area owns one to transport sugarcane, not just him. It is terrifying, thinking that the husband I love is actually a brutal monster. Should I turn a blind eye on the blood stain underneath the van’s carpet, too? I’m a mother, first and foremost, what if my daughter is facing the same danger somewhere out there but nobody helps her? I have to do something.”_

Wiping away the sweat rolling down his forehead, Loki read with anticipation. The more pages he turned backward, the groggier he felt. 

_“January 13rd, year YYYY,_

_There are more young girls gone missing around the region, the police have called for everyone to inform them immediately if they see any suspicious activities or strangers. It is worrisome, to have such a serial killer ruin this peaceful area. I hope everyone in this small town will be safe.”_

_“September 7th, the year before year YYYY,_

_Dear Sif,_

_It has been one year since the day you left. I wonder if you are celebrating your 19th birthday with new people in your new life, or if you are blowing out the candles alone somewhere. I miss you, Dan has been asking about his step-sister constantly but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him that you have left us for good._

_I should have asked you to stay, but my ego was too large to admit I need you more than you need me. I have learned that sometimes we don’t have to be in the wrong to say sorry. If that single word could keep our most important person in our life, we shouldn’t hesitate to say it, a hundred times even._

_Wherever you are, I hope you have the very best things. It’s a shame this letter has no receiving address to be sent to. One day, if you decide to forgive me, please remember that I’m always here waiting for you._

_Love,_

_Mom”_

The notebook fell from his hands to the ground making a quiet thud. Loki’s eyes widened and his mouth agape as realisation hit him square in the face. He was reading the diary of Sif’s mother from 18 years ago! The voice in his head was telling him to give this one to Sif as well as to call Thor. He had to hurry upstairs and get his phone. The moment he stood up to leave the kitchen, something hit his head from behind, all he could remember before blacking out was a yellow-toothed grin as someone whispered _“Sweet dreams, Mom”_ to him.

\--- 

The rag was sticky. It reeked of rotten and earthy wood. Loki winced at the sting on the back of his head, trying to shift his face away from the wet cloth that had been wiped on his forehead. 

“Mom?” a croaky voice called to him. 

“Hmm” Loki tried to comprehend. 

“Mommmmm, wake up!” the voice continued in higher pitch, like a man was mimicking a pouting child. 

Loki blinked his eyes slowly at the tarnish light bulb hanging lowly above his head. How long had he been out? He closed his eyes and opened them one more time, forcing himself to get used to the dark. Loki looked up to the roof of the seemingly small storage, taking in his surroundings. The sound of crickets and animals grunting around in the night indicated that he was somewhere in the wood. His wrists were tied up together behind his back, his ankles were in the same condition. Loki tried to yank his hands but the rope only cut into his flesh more tightly. He sighed in disappointment, looking up to see if there was anything else he could see but he almost jumped when his eyes met another face. The face of the man that was grinning at him the other day, Loki recalled. 

He was there! He was real! 

The man was kneeling beside the cot Loki was laying on. He stared curiously at his face. His long light blond hair was dishevelled and scruffy just like the raggedy shirt he was wearing. He looked to be around early twenties, face pale as if he hadn’t been in the sun for a long while. He gave the very same yellowish toothy grin to Loki when he saw the smaller man blink at him. 

“Hi Mom” the guy swayed his big arms side to side like a shy child. 

“Hi” Loki muttered with a brittle voice. If this was a nightmare, he would trade anything to wake up at an instant. 

“Dan was worried that Mom would not wake up” despite his filthy appearance, the guy, Dan, had a beautiful pair of brown eyes. Loki recalled he had seen them somewhere, even his name distantly rang a bell. 

“Sister leaves Dan and Mom doesn’t want to talk” the guy suddenly sobbed at Loki’s silence, “everybody hates Dan!” he cried more loudly. 

Loki paled as he realised who the young man was. Sif’s step-brother! Emily mentioned his name in her diary, no wonder why his eyes are identical to hers! Loki opened his mouth only to close it a few times, too horrified to form words. What was happening?

“EVERYBODY ABANDONS DAN!” Dan stood up and screamed angrily. He stomped his feet on the ground. He threw the wet rag at Loki and started kicking the cot violently, Loki’s body shaking with every kick. 

Stay calm, he had to stay calm, Loki begged himself. He had to get out here alive, to be back to Thor and Modi. 

“No, Dan! I’m not abandoning you!” Dan stopped jumping as he heard that from Loki. 

“Really?” the child-like guy blinked, eyes unfocused. Loki inhaled and counted to three before exhaling, willing his racing heart to slow down. Yes, he wasn’t only gentle and kind, he was also brave and smart. He was a pediatrician and most of all, he was a mother, and a mother knew how to communicate with a child. 

“Yes, Dan. I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here with you,” he exclaimed. 

Dan’s mouth formed an O, unable to hold back saliva as tears flew out of his shiny eyes. He stood at his spot, playing with the hem of his shirt. 

“Did Dan’s greetings make Mom happy?” he asked coyly

“The greetings?” Loki confused

“Yeah, in the house. Dan was welcoming Mom” he said proudly. Loki almost cried when he realised all the mysteries that happened was from the guy. He wasn’t hallucinating. 

“Oh, thank you, Dan,” he forced himself to say, “I was really happy. Why didn’t you come and greet me yourself?” 

“Dan was scared. The big guy was always with Mom, Dan doesn’t want him to hit Dan and take Mom away.” the young man pouted. 

“Nobody will hit you,” Loki assured. He didn’t know how far he could keep the conversation up. He had to find a way out. 

“Dad did! Dad slapped Dan and slapped Mom, too. Then Mom collapsed and Dad locked Dan up. Dan cried but Dad didn’t listen,” Dan mumbled devastatingly. Loki gasped in horror when everything made sense in his mind. 

“Is Dad’s name Kim?” he asked 

“Yeah, Dan is Mom and Dad’s son but Sister isn’t. Sister is Mom’s daughter” Dan pointed a finger to himself. 

“Dan is this small, and Sister is big” he put the pinky of his left hand next to the index finger of his right hand, as to demonstrate the size differences. He squatted down, hands resting on the side of the cot. 

“Dan misses Mom, Dan wants to play with Mom,” he told Loki. His eyes sparkled the sincerity of a primary-school student. It pinched Loki’s heart. 

“But I can’t do that when my hands are tied up, Dan” Loki said, turning to his side to show his bounded wrists. “Could you please untie me so that we can play?” he asked with the softest voice. 

“Really?” Dan stretched out his hands, but quickly took back, “No, no, Dad told Dan not to let Mom free. Mom will run and Dad will punish Dan.” He chewed on his lower lip, his brows knitted together at his own internal conflict. 

“I’m not running, Dan. My legs can’t move, don’t you see?” the older man wiggled his feet, “What do you want to play, Dan?” 

“Dan likes rock, paper, scissors, ouh ouh, Dan likes to have tea parties with Mom, too!” the young man giggled. 

“I like drinking tea, too. How about you release my hands so that I can hold my cup up for you to pour the tea in?” Loki cooed 

“Dan loves it!” the poor young man exclaimed excitedly, but his expression immediately turned serious.

“But Mom has to promise not to tell Dad. Dad says he will strangle both Dan and Mom. What is strangle, Mom?” Dan cocked his head to the right innocently. 

In that second, Loki thought he saw his Modi being locked up by a cruel man for many years after losing all his beloved ones. A child being trapped in a grown man’s body, unable to grow up normally, to live a normal life. 

“He will not do anything to us. Do you remember the big guy that was with me? He will protect us, I promise.” Loki said in earnest

“Mom promise?” Dan brightened 

“Yes, could you please unlace my hands?”

“Dan could!” he sat up, to Loki’s wish, and started to undo the knot behind Loki’s back. As soon as the rope fell apart, the mother instinct in him made him reach out to ruffle Dan’s messy hair and smiled at him fondly. Dan giggled satisfiedly like an over-excited puppy being pet. While Dan was being distracted by the affectionate moment, Loki untied the rope on his ankles, ignoring the blisters and cuts that started to form on his fingers. His eyes were glued to the door of the storage. He had to get out of here before it was too late. And he had to get help. 

Dan yelled after him as Loki got up and stormed out to the door in a haze. Dan’s scream turned into a panicking roar when a rough hand slapped Loki’s face, throwing him onto the ground with a loud crash. 

“What did I tell you? You useless piece of shit!” Kim spat on Dan after punching him hard in the stomach. The young man yelped and rolled himself into a ball submissively, arms wrapped around his head. Kim kicked the door shut while swinging the baseball bat threatenly above Loki’s head.

“You know,” he sang song, “Things were going great until that bitch came back. She was just as intrusive as her mother. You should blame yourself and your nosy husband in hell!” he laughed mindlessly. 

“Why-Why are you doing this?” Loki propped himself up using his elbow, trying to crawl backward. 

“Why?” Kim rubbed his chin, “Can say I simply don’t want to get arrested. It wasn’t wrong for me to pursue my passion. I love the cries from the young girls’ rosy lips and their flaccid bodies after I choked all the air out of their lungs.” He licked his lips while crouching down to check Loki out. 

“You are insane. My husband is looking for me, they will not let you get away!” Loki’s lips tremble visibly under Kim’s predaceous gaze.

“Well, I guess I just need to kill you before they find out then. You are actually not bad, though a bit old for my preference.” He grabbed Loki’s chin to tilt his face up closer to his. 

“I can ignore the stretch marks of birthing on your stomach to enjoy that small cunt thoroughly, I guess,” He licked Loki’s ear then took a deep breath in his hair. The gesture made Loki want to vomit, his body shook violently. Loki forced his eyes open wide to not cry in front of the monster that was wearing a human decoy. 

“Let’s start, shall we?” the baseball bat hit the ground making a clang as Kim dropped it to wrap his hand around Loki’s neck. Loki’s thrashing did nothing to stop the old man due to his smaller size. What he didn’t expect, and probably Kim didn’t either, was that Dan, out of nowhere, launched a fist at Kim’s face, shoving him aside. 

“NO!” Dan screamed, using his body to shield Loki, “Don’t hurt my Mom!” His saliva and tears drizzled onto Loki’s grisly face, mixing with his own tears. 

“Don’t do this, Dan” Loki weakly pushed the young man’s chest, “He will kill you” he pleaded in pure horror. 

“Dan will protect Mom!” Dan hugged him more tightly into his chest. Loki screamed his lungs out when Kim used the baseball bat to hit Dan on his back. Dan’s inhumane groans synced with Loki’s hoarse cries, which was worsened at every blow the young man took. At some point, Dan stopped responding at all, his body laid lifelessly on top of Loki’s. 

“If you weren’t my son I would already have killed you years ago. Die if you wish, then!” Kim roared and held the bat high above his head, aiming at Dan’s head. Loki watched the metal cap rising in shock, the only sound escaping his throat was a chain of _“No”_. All he could do was use his hands to cover the back of Dan’s head, he was willing to sacrifice his fingers in exchange for the poor young man’s life. 

Broken bones might be not bad, if both of them would be out of here alive, he tried to convince himself. Loki closed his eyes and thought about his family. He recalled Modi’s first word was “Mama”, he was laughing at Thor’s jealous face for a good while. He remembered the faint smell of milk on Modi’s chubby cheeks when he kissed him. He thought of his son’s laughters, the cheerful sounds of the jingling bells during Christmas Eve. Modi was the best gift in his life. A gift from Thor. 

Thor Odinson. His love. His personal golden sun. The man Loki willing to give up his life for. “I love you, Thor” he whispered, waiting for the hit to come. 

“LOKI!” 

Following Thor’s loud, high-pitched shout was the sound of a gunshot when the door of the storage bursted open widely. Through his blurry eyes, Loki saw Kim collapsed onto the side, the smell of burnt gunpowder coiled into his nostrils making his head throb. He couldn’t hear clearly when all the yellings and footsteps stormed into the room too fast all at once. 

A pair of strong, big hands lifted Dan away from his body. Thor’s long hair fell onto his face as he kneeled down to hold him up. His head was placed on Thor’s lap as the ambulance’s siren had gotten closer outside. 

“Loki? Loki?” he heard Thor asking him something. His eyes met the pair of deep blue eyes he loved unconditionally. Suddenly, Loki had the answers for every question that he had been asking himself a thousand times before. 

_Was he proud of being chief at such a young age?_

~~_Yes, it was a big move in his career, a strong foundation for him to go up the ladder._ ~~

_No, he was proud of how fast Modi grew more._

_Was it worth it sacrificing family time for work?_

~~_Yes, just enduring it a bit more, they were planning to have a bigger house and overtime paid well._ ~~

_No, money couldn’t buy happiness. What did a bigger house mean if the home was always cold with no laughters?_

_Which point was he trying to prove that he had to cling to the job that tight?_

_~~That he was worthy for Thor, to be Thor’s equal, that he was also capable of reaching higher.~~ _

_There was nothing to prove, Thor loved and treasured him, that was enough._

“Loki? Can you hear me?” Thor gently shook him by his shoulders to get him back to reality. Loki looked up to meet his eyes, relieved tears drifted down freely to his ears.

“Thor, you finally come.” Loki’s eyes rolled to the back of his head and things went blank after that. 

\---

White roof, sterilized sheets, the stinging of needle injecting liquid into his vein. Loki kept drifting in and out of consciousness. 

Four figures, although too blurry for him to tell who they were, they sounded familiar. The lady had long and curly blond hair and the old gentleman had an eye patch. The other lady and gentleman had dark hair like him. The dark hair lady was crying on her man’s shoulder, while the other couple tried to cheer her up.

Another one, no, two. One big and one much smaller. They held his hand firmly. While the bigger man murmuring something to him, the toddler planted kisses everywhere on his face. It was pleasant and ticklish at the same time, Loki’s lips stretched upwards instinctively, earning more kisses onto his eyelids, lips, and nose. 

He heard someone call his name. Who? 

Loki flickered his heavy eyelids open. His throat was burning.

“Mama!” Modi yelled cheerily

“Loki!” Thor cried, Loki thought his heart was about to explode at the overwhelming of emotions, “You have been sleeping for two days” Thor kissed his knuckles then pressed the button by Loki’s bed to call the doctor. 

Things went smoothly after that, besides some bruises and scratches, he didn’t have any major physical injuries. However, procedurally, Loki had to undergo psychiatric evaluation and treatments. His daily visits alternated between medical staff and police detectives. The police questioned all of them separately and they respected that, as long as Kim was kept as far as possible from them. 

It was another day in the hospital when Modi was trying to feed his mother a peeled orange carpel, juice was dripping down his chubby fingers causing a mess on the side of Loki’s lips. Thor was sitting on the small couch next to them, multitasked between reading his work and laughing along with Modi's childish remarks when someone knocked on the door. He stood up and quickly closed the door as he stepped outside, immediately joined a moderated-volume discussion. 

Frigga stepped in behind Thor when he came back.

“Loki, Sif came to visit, would it be ok for her to come in?” He asked with concerns clear on his brows.

Did Loki want to meet her? Without doubt, the trauma was still within him but she wasn’t the cause of it. From the scattered information bit he gathered, she was also just another victim in the whole tragedy. 

“Yes, please,” He nodded and Frigga crouched down to pick Modi up. 

“Okay, little sunbeam, let’s join your grandpa’s picnic in the garden. Your parents are having a guest now!”

“Let’s go!” Modi sang as he wrapped his arms around her neck and kissed her cheek. What a passionate child! 

Loki smiled gratefully to Frigga when she turned her head to give him a reassuring wink. 

“Hi, how are you?” Sif said when she stepped in with a bouquet of flowers in her hand. Thor closed the door behind them and brought a chair to her. She mumbled a thank you and sat on her chair next to Loki’s bed, facing him. 

“I’m getting better, thank you. How is Dan holding up?” Loki said as he moved his legs aside for his husband to sit on the edge of the small hospital bed. 

“He is still in the ICU but should be moved into the step-down unit soon. This is for you” she gave him the bouquet, “I come here to apologise, actually”

“Thank you, Sif, you don’t have to do this. And could I please know the reason for your apology?” Loki raised his brows in curiosity

“For my shameful flirt with your husband,” she cast her eyes downwards, “I was hoping you two would leave earlier than the planned date if I made you uncomfortable enough. That was foolish of me, the rational part of me was too occupied to see things through. I hoped you would care to listen to the story from my side?” She looked up to both of them, who neither said anything. 

Thor glanced at Loki to find any discomfort he might feel but the concern in his chest disappeared when Loki only looked at him with ease. He didn’t break eye contact with Thor when he said “Please tell, I want to,” to Sif. So, the lady started with a deep breath. 

“By now I think you both have the overall idea of what happened. Dan is my step-brother. My mother married Kim and had him when I was twelve. Due to the law at that time, my mother could choose to keep her maiden name if she wanted to after marriage and both Dan and I took her last name, which was Arneson. I was fond of Dan, despite my resentment of his father, Dan was the reason all those years were endurable. However, the boy couldn’t keep me from running away. 

In front of my mom, Kim was nice to me as if I was truly his daughter, but as soon as she turned her back, he would talk or touch me inappropriately as if I was his mistress. That disgusted me to no end. I tried to tell my mother all of that but she was brushing me off. I didn’t know if she was jealous or she was in denial that the man she loved was a horrible person. 

I left when I turned eighteen and wandered around from place to place until recently I decided to come back to pay my mother and Dan a visit. I didn’t know what convinced me to do so, I just had a hunch to buy the ticket of the earliest flight to be back here.” 

She paused to take a deep breath in, “Unfortunately, I was greeted by Kim only. He and the people around here told me that my mother and my step-brother disappeared eighteen years ago without saying anything. Dan was only six at that time, who could believe that my mother would gather everything and leave with a young boy into the night? Kim was having a night shift at the factory where he worked and his evidence checked out. 

So I let it slip even though I spent days and nights crying in regret and grief. I could only hope my mother and Dan were having a good life somewhere. Ironically, it was my turn to wait for them to come back.” She sobbed, closing her eyes to stop tears from rolling down. 

Loki wordlessly nudged the box of tissue to her, she took it gratefully. Thor reached out his hand for Loki to hold, his eyes filled with raw emotions. 

“I need money to build a new life here, hence I decided to advertise our old cottage as holiday accommodation. It was the property of the Arneson and I didn’t think it was necessary to discuss anything with Kim. I was delighted when you booked it in an instant.” She gave Thor a watery smile. 

“I didn’t say anything to Kim until your check-in date. I wish you two were there to see the roller-coaster of expressions on his face when he asked to tag along to give you the key. During the whole ride to the cottage, he looked like he wanted to kill me but as soon as he saw Loki, that disgusting smirk on his face came back. However, my suspicion only raised when Thor called me about him stalking you two in the early morning.” 

Thor quickly met his questioning eyes,

“It was the morning of the second day, I saw Kim was sneaking at us from afar but didn’t alarm you. I didn’t want you to be scared, considering your state at that time. I’m sorry, baby” Thor said sincerely. 

“It’s alright, Thor, I understand why you kept it from me,” Loki shook his head slightly and squeezed his husband’s hand. 

“I started to seek information and clues of my mother and step-brother’s disappearance as Kim’s fishy behaviors were showing more clearly. I talked to the former officers who handled the case and borrowed archived documents and stuff. However, as I was still clueless I decided I needed to turn the house upside down and I needed you two gone so I attempted to make you jealous, as I explained earlier.” Sif rubbed her eyes then exhaled.

“The night of your meltdown, I found a cellar door and told Sif about that,” Thor continued, “She came in the early morning to check it out and convinced me to see the police with her to give my statement. Apparently, the police required legitimate witnesses or evidence to reopen the case, so I went with her. When we came back you had already been taken.” Thor pinched the bridge between his brows. When Kim learned that Loki got the diary that he didn’t know existed before, he threatened and ordered Dan to kidnap Loki. Even in the worst nightmare, nobody could imagine such calamity would happen in real life. 

“I wouldn’t forgive myself if anything happened to you due to our failure to arrive at the storage in time.” Thor looked up to the ceiling, handheld Loki’s more tightly. 

“It’s ok, Thor. I’m here, safe and sound with you and Modi.” He said. 

All the pieces now matched up, although the police already had it all, actually hearing it was another experience. Loki wasn’t able to imagine what he would turn into if he was in Sif or Dan’s position. Dan, who was only six at the time, lost his mind from witnessing his mother being killed by his own father. He was locked up in the secret cellar underneath the cottage for all those years. The harrowing was too much for one to bear. 

“Loki, could I please know if Kim told you where he buried my mother?” Sif questioned pulled him out of his thoughts. To his negative answer, she sighed in disappointment, “he admitted to all the crimes he did but refused to confirm the location of my mother’s body. He said he forgot, that bastard!” 

Both Thor and Loki gasped in unison, Thor gritted his teeth, “Do you want me to talk to him?” 

“No Thor, I doubt that he would even talk to you. I tried with every method I could think of already. I will leave that to the police and prison psychiatrist then, as long as my mother is in here, it is enough for me.” Sif took out her mother’s diary from her bag and held it into her chest, the police gave it back to her after processing all the information. Her rare genuine smile warmed Loki’s heart, as it was the first time he saw her like that since he met the lady. Her posture seemed to be lighter, no more burden and regretfulness. 

Loki looked at his husband lovingly after they said goodbye to Sif. He didn’t need to ask if Thor felt the same, the gentle kiss on his forehead from Thor was enough of a confirmation. 

“Do you want to join my parents and Modi in the garden?” Loki said yes before his husband even finished his question. 

\---

Loki hummed when a light breeze whipped across his face, carrying the scent of blooming flowers with it. Thor pressed his chin onto the top of Loki’s head. His arms wrapped securely around the smaller man, who was sitting contently in his lap. They leaned against the big tree in the hospital’s garden, the sun shone warmly above them. 

“Back then, I was stupid for holding on to that meaningless job. Only when death nearly took me away, I realised I was trading my happiness for nothing in order to find happiness.” Loki’s fingers drew circles on the back of Thor’s hands tentatively, “It was foolish of me.” 

Submitting his resignation was the first thing Loki did after having the doctor’s approval to have his laptop to do some work. 

He held up his left hand, letting the sunlight soak through his fingers. Thor intertwined their fingers together, their golden wedding rings sang harmoniously. 

“Do you think Sif and Dan will be alright?” Thor asked 

“I believed so. Sif is strong and Dan is a good kid, most of all, they love each other. Sunshine will come to them” Loki placed a lingering kiss on Thor’s jaws. 

“Just like how the sun is shining on us again?” Thor’s eyes sparkled nothing but joy. 

“Sentimental fool!” Loki kissed his cheek. 

“Your fool!” Thor tended toward, Loki closed his eyes the moment their lips met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is the epilogue :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter doesn't have proper beta, my apologies for any mistakes :)

\- 2 years later - 

Loki hummed in contentment as the madeleine melted on his tongue. Its richness pampered his sweet tooth greatly, he almost forgot the cup of tea that he just refilled. 

He wiggled his legs, comfortably sitting on the hampstead bamboo armchair in the resting area of the big garden. Loki took another bite and waved back to Modi and Dan from the flower field.

Dan, thanks to all the supports, had gotten much better. He still had to undergo a lot of sessions but with his bottomless void of love for everything around him, Dan was slowly becoming a bee caretaker, thanks to the training from Sean. The former police officer cared for Sif and Dan as if they were his niece and nephew. As a result of Dan’s indecisiveness in choosing what types of flowers to plant, the honey his bees produced was being sold well in the supermarkets and weekend fairs, as a result of its assorted floral flavor. 

“Because they are all beautiful, it’s unfair to leave out anyone!” Dan answered Modi the other day. 

Together with Sif taking care of the business side, the Arneson kids opened their own bee farm, located at the end of the very same small town, which was now the Odinsons’ favorite holiday destination. Loki took a deep breath in at the spring-filled scent in the air and felt like an overfed honey bee, dreamful and slow. It was time for a nap as he decided and went inside. 

Thor was sitting at the table in their room, typing something on his laptop. He looked up when he heard Loki entered. 

“Still working?” Loki closed the door behind him. His voice contained no annoyance. He wrapped his arms around Thor’s wide shoulders to peck on his cheek before proceeding to lie down in bed. 

“Done for now, baby” Thor shut his laptop to catch up to Loki. Thor lied down on his side and propped himself on his elbow to face his husband.

“Nap?” he asked, raising an eyebrow

“Yeah, I feel a bit sluggish” Loki whispered softly

“You seemed to sleep a lot more these days,” Thor said thoughtfully while scooting closer to plant a kiss on his forehead. 

“Hm, must be the weather’s doing“ Loki’s cheeks and neck flushed adorably under the afternoon sunlight poking through from the window. Thor licked his lips hungrily when Loki blandly shifted his posture, exposing a side of his shoulder from the loose neck of his linen tunic. He held up his hand to rub Loki’s cheek then trailed it down his neck, his thumb caressing the dip between Loki’s collarbones earning a shiver from him.

“Daddy?” Loki flickered his lashes, looking at Thor temptatively with a lazy smile.

“You are tempting me,” Thor’s eyes darkened as he pressed his body to Loki, his hands started to explore the creamy skin under the shirt. Their kisses were heated and sloppy, Thor didn’t let go of Loki until his lips were all swollen from his possessive bites. Loki had no defense against Thor’s big calloused fingers playing with his nipples or the way his long hair blocked out the rest of the world during their kisses. He couldn’t and didn’t want to escape the heat of his burning sun. 

Thor swayed Loki with his touches, kisses, licks, and bites. Unable to comprehend, Loki spread himself widely on the bed like a blooming flower for Thor to enjoy his sweet nectar. His thick fingers moved skillfully inside him and Loki’s whole body slowly became undone. 

He was drunk, too drunk from all the affectionate words Thor fed his ears. His weak moans and cries synced with each of Thor’s longing thrusts. Loki’s small cock trapped in between their bodies. Despites his mewls begging Thor to speed up or go rougher, he just smirked before making Loki melted completely under his tender devouring. Fireworks boomed in Loki’s vision as he came at the same time Thor spilled inside him with a satisfying roar. Loki could feel Thor gently wiped his body as he slowly drifted into sleep. He felt whole, physically, and mentally. 

When the shooting star fell into his stomach in his dream, a chain of knocks on the door jolted the couple awake. The sun was already set outside. Thor got up to answer Sif. 

“I couldn’t find Dan and Modi!” Sif said with concerns Thor wrapped Loki in his thick cardigan then the pair hurriedly followed her downstairs. 

“When I came back from the meeting with the distributors, they were still playing in the field but I couldn’t tell when they disappeared”, she answered when Thor asked when was the last time she saw the pair. 

“Should we call the police?” Loki chewed his lower lip. Panic slowly crept up. The ghost from the trauma two years ago was yet to disappear in their subconsciousness. 

“I will call Sean. We can look around here while waiting for the officers, starting from directions around the field.” Thor decided with no argument from the other adults. Loki was told to stay home and wait in case the boy came back.

It was irritating, sitting still, and could do nothing while the ones we loved might be in danger. Loki paced around the house, he wrapped his arms around his body, trying to calm his breath. Kim was arrested and would be executed soon to pay for his crimes, there was nobody could harm them anymore. 

He had to do something! Nobody could stop a mother’s instinct when it was about their children. Loki decided and took the key of Sif’s delivery van, as he was starting the engine with the determination to help look for the pair a slight knock on the car door startled him. 

“Hello,” a middle-aged lady pecked through the window, “I live around here, I hear that you are looking for Dan Arneson and a boy?” 

“Yes, the boy is my son. Did you happen to see them in any chance?” Loki asked hopefully. The lady looked somehow familiar, perhaps she was really from the neighborhood. 

“I think I saw them went in the summit’s direction” to Loki’s fear, she answered. 

“They were chatting about a flower field on the other side of the lake. I can show you the way if you want?” The lady asked sincerely. She was kind. Perhaps Loki’s pale face was too pitiful she decided to tag along and help out. 

“Yes, please, I really appreciate that” he said weakly then opened the passenger door for her to climb in. He also didn’t forget to send a message to Thor and Sif about the location. 

During their ride up to the lake, Loki couldn’t really make sense of anything the old lady talked to him. A hundred scenarios of Dan unable to escape the haunting memories of the chalet huddled up to his thoughts. No, no, no. He couldn’t let anything happen.

“They will be alright” her voice was just as soothing as Frigga’s. 

“I hope so, too,” Loki responded. His eyes glued to the road before them. 

“I just couldn’t stop worrying about their safeties after what happened.” He continued absentmindedly. The old lady just gave a meaningful smile in exchange. The smile did attract his attention but before he could process what made that, she exclaimed.

“I think they are currently there,” she pointed to the direction of a group of big beeches that were located on the right of the lake. Loki hurriedly said thanks to her and unbuckled his seatbelt. 

He ran as fast as he could to the flower field that was covered from eyesight by the big trees. 

“Dan! Modi!” He called their names

“Mama!!!” Modi yelled back, the boy quickly ran to his mother.

“Oh my god, Modi! What happened? Why are you here? Where is Dan?” He hugged the boy in his chest and asked breathlessly at the same time Thor and Sif arrived. 

“Uncle Dan stripped and twisted his ankle. He is over there!” The boy gestured to where Dan was sitting. Sif was already on her feet before Modi finished.

“Why did you two come here without saying anything? We were worried sick!” Thor said, his tone half upset half relieved. They walked slowly toward Dan to check his condition while talking. 

Modi tilted his chin down guiltily, his hands grabbed the front of his dinosaur t-shirt, “I want to look for more beautiful flowers for Mama. Uncle Dan said we can find a lot here” the kid started to sob.

“My sweet child” Loki kneeled down next to his son, let the kid hide his face into his chest, “I’m thankful you think about me, but next time let us know before you go, ok?” He kissed Modi’s blond hair passionately. 

“I will, Mama. Please don’t be mad at uncle Dan” Modi begged in an attempt to fight for his partner in crime adorably, just in time they stopped next to Sif and Dan. The younger Arneson was sitting on a log, tiredness coated over his face, his right ankle was swollen. 

“I’m sorry,” Dan mumbled while fidgeting his fingers as a nervous habit, didn’t dare to look up to meet their eyes. 

“It’s ok, Dan, we are not mad at you” Loki crouched down in front of the younger man but Dan only looked up when Thor patted his shoulder that was hunching down in shame and guilt. 

“It’s true, we were worrying about you two is all” Thor said, prying a coy smile from Dan. 

“By the way, how could you know where to find them?” Sif asked Loki 

“Your neighbor helped me, a middle-aged lady. Didn’t you see her on your way in here? She was waiting in the van, I think” Loki hummed thoughtfully.

“I didn’t see anyone. How does she look like? I don’t think we have any female neighbor that old living near us” 

“Huh, that’s strange. She is shorter than you and has light blond, curly hair, same as Dan’s hair color. I’m not sure I was paying much attention to her appearance during my panic. But considering back at it, I think her eyes look similar to you two as well, and she has a mole on her chin.” He pointed a finger to the spot below his lower lip demonstratively. 

His description stopped Sif from continuing her walk. Her eyes widened as she took in a deep breath and took out the necklace she was wearing. It had a classic locket pendant that held a small photo inside. A family photo of a lady with two kids, one girl and one boy. 

Loki’s heart stopped beating and his mouth agape as he realised the old lady that was helping him was the very same lady in the photo Sif was showing him. 

“Th..that’s her” He covered his mouth with his hand. Thor quickly held his shaking shoulders. 

Sif stared at the pendant, she pressed her lips into a thin line, “This couldn’t be happening.” She whispered, more like to herself, “she is our-” 

“MOM!”, Dan yelped loudly causing all of them to look at the lady that was approaching them. 

Under the shimmering moonlight, Emily-Rose Arneson’s light blond hair aglewed ethereally, causing the full moon to blush and hid behind a billow of clouds. The wind stopped blowing and all the sounds of the night were canceled. None of them moved and Loki noticed everyone was holding their breath just like him. 

Especially Sif and Dan, they opened and closed their mouths, unable to form words. They didn’t dare to blink, as if She would disappear as soon as they opened their eyes. 

“My children,” her voice was soft and sweet like a touch of cotton candy to their ears. It caressed their cheeks, massaging their aching hearts, “Sif, Dan”. She held up her hands, waiting. And the dam broke. 

Sif and Dan were on their knees before her in an instant, Sif grabbed her hands while Dan hugged her at her midsection, crying brokenly. 

“I’m sorry for running away, nothing would happen to you if I stayed,” Sif said repeatedly. Dan only sobbed “I miss you” to his mother again and again. 

“There, there” she smiled at them fondly, “It’s not the time for apologies, my love. I was blessed to come here and see you two, to feel your warmth, to let you know I love you unconditionally, and that I’m very, very proud of you.” Her tears rolled down like beads of white pearls floating in the air. She placed her hands on Sif and Dan’s cheek. 

“This is the only and last time I could see you in this form, but this is not a farewell,” she assured when her children’s eyes enlarged in surprise and obvious disagreement, “Remember, you are always in my heart as I am to you” she tabbed Dan’s left chest tentatively and he nodded, affection spilled out of his eyes. 

“But Mom, we couldn't find out where you were laid down” Sif sniffed, her tone held no anger.

“It doesn’t matter, my dear. I could be here, underneath this very flower field, or floating deep in the lake or the river, it doesn’t matter. Our bodies are just vessels, the souls were that stayed.” She kissed Sif’s forehead, “Don’t concern yourself anymore, clear the mind then come to a free heart. I’m by your side.” 

“I will,” Sif said in tears, “thank Mom” 

“Smile, sweetheart. Smile for me, for our time together, for this precious moment, for tomorrow to come. It’s time for me to go, be good to each other for me, yeah?” the lady smiled widely, her eyes sparkled as the brightest stars 

“Yes, Mom. I love you” her children cried in unison, tenderness on their expression. Their smiles grew bigger when the spirit of their Mom turned into hundreds of small silver-wings butterflies and flew up to the moon. 

Loki didn’t know he was crying with them in silence until Thor reached over and wiped off the tear on his cheeks with his thumb. Standing between his parents, Modi’s big eyes looked up at the luminescent lights entrancingly. 

“Mama, why auntie Sif and uncle Dan are crying even though they just met their fairy Mother?” He asked Thor innocently 

Loki and Thor tilted their heads down to look at the baby lion, Loki ruffled Modi’s messy hair and answered 

“Because it was a miracle made by love. We can cry when our heart is full of love, too, not with only sadness.” 

Modi didn’t reply to that, the boy was quiet as if Loki’s statement had put something into his learning mind.

“Then I will put love into Mama’s heart. I will not make you cry because of sadness” he finally spoke determinedly. 

“Hey hey, don’t steal my line!” Thor chuckled fondly and the kid giggled when his father picked him up to plant kisses all over his mischievous face. 

At that moment, Loki learned that the river of Mother’s love was endless, no matter how many streams it divided, it would be whole again sooner or later. The river always found its way around obstacles magically to continue its wonderful flow of love. And Loki was grateful that he went down by the riverside. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, and that's the end. Thank you very much for accompanying me during the whole story.   
> I appreciate every one of your kudos, comment, and question.   
> I still have two wips to complete hence we will meet again soon :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please let me know your thoughts, I have a lot to learn and improve ^^


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